(via wordsandlyrics)
"I want this too. I want all of it. The pointless bickering, the long walks, the late night phone calls, the good morning texts. I want cute pictures with you, to hold your hand, to make food for you, to call you baby. The joking, the wrestling, the fights, the long how-I-feel messages after we make up. I want to be one of those inseparable best friend couples where people are like “You guys are still together?” That’s what I want. With you."
watch me as i go
lately all i’ve been is paranoid, paranoid that everything is suddenly going to fall apart. probably because that’s what i’m used to; everything being real good for a solid two seconds then something significant happens to rip my feet out from under me, but fall down seven times stand up eight right? i’ve fucked up a lot and i’m not gonna sit here and say i don’t regret anything because i have plenty of regrets. i’m not happy with everything i’ve said or done. i’m always scared of others hurting me but lately i guess i haven’t thought much about how i’m hurting others. and that hurts me too, and it’s really starting to kick me right in the ass. all i feel is alone lately, i hang out with my boyfriend and that is about it. i like to think of myself as an independent girl and i don’t NEED eric, i’m not going to die without him, i do love him though. but i don’t wanna be viewed as one of those girls who’s obsessed with her boyfriend and ditched all her friends cause that isn’t how it is. actually if one of my friends picked up the phone and called or texted me, i’d actually ditch eric for them since i haven’t really hung out with my friends since april vacation. i want my old life back, i want a rewind button so i can fix everything i did to cause this. sometimes change is good but sometimes it isn’t and although i may “deserve” this, the feeling i’ve had nonstop for the past month is beginning to put thoughts in my head that have never been there before and it scares me. i used to think that there was so much to look forward to with summer coming but its looking like my summer is gonna be spent alone in my shitty old apartment, while my parents are at work and my brothers out partying and the people i used to associate with are getting drunk on a beach, probably with my brother. to be honest i feel friendless and you can’t have no one. it isn’t healthy and right now everything is bottled up inside because i trust no one and it is going to explode sooner or later and who knows what the final result will be.
